Eat and drink what you like . Speaking English is apparently what kills you .

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life .  Is this true? A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it . . . Don't waste on exercise .  Everything wear out eventually .  Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster .  Want to live longer?  Take nap .  

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake? 
A:  No, not at all .  Wine made from fruit .  Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way .  Beer also made of grain .  Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one .  If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc .
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of single one, sorry .  My philosophy is: No pain . . . good!           Q:  Aren't fried foods bad for you? 
A:  YOU NOT LISTENING!  Food are fried these day in vegetable oil .  In fact, they permeated by it .  How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?  
Q:  Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not!  When you exercise muscle, it get bigger .  You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach .  
Q:  Is chocolate bad for me?  A:  Are you crazy?!?  HEL-LO-O!!  Cocoa bean!  Another vegetable!  It best feel-good food around!
Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?  A:  If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me . .
Q:  Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?  A:  Hey!  'Round' is shape!  

Well . . . I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets .

And  remember:  Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"     AND . . . . .

For  those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health .  It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies .   
1 . The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans .

2 . The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans .

3 . The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans .

4 . The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans . .

5 . The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans .

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like . Speaking English is apparently what kills you .